Lesson #425 - NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER do a sleepover with more than 4 kids, or with more than 3 kids, or really with any kids if you can avoid it. Ohh, and don't do sleepovers on consecutive nights. Hire, blackmail, or bribe someone else to do it somewhere other than your house (where you will busy having your own sleepover!)
Did you know there is no actual sleep at a sleepover? It's mostly screaming, screeching, some crying, unnatural high pitched sounds that could rival waterboarding for torture, games that make no sense, and did I say there is no sleep? None whatsoever! Even the kids who say they're tired start doing things like belching uncontrollably or thinking of new ways to make unusual sounds with various body parts. There is writing on faces, writing on dogs, semi-nudity, terrorizing of the neighbors, terrorizing of the siblings, races around the house (with and without pets, with and without clothing), and general mayhem. Add to this the idiot parents (meaning Kelly) who supply mass quantities of sugar, carbs, and soda that puts the "sleepover" participants into a state of near manic derangement.
Both parties started at about 7pm and ended around 10am. The kids (3rd graders Friday, 5th graders Saturday) probably "went to bed" (which is code for "finally passed out") around 4am both nights. They started to "go to bed" at around midnight. We watched movies, ate cake and pizza and drank soda. There were chips and cookies and crackers and bubbles flying everywhere (and I mean everywhere - we found some in a tree outside). There was a pinata. We made tie-dyes, played sticker games and ball games, did makeovers, played outside, and someone had the idea to put others into "trances". At that point, we learned the true definition of DRAMA. DRAMA has to be in caps, because for some reason, there are actually groups of kids who categorize themselves (and will actually admit to being) overly dramatic - they are proud to be this way. Now, I will admit that I was not the friendliest of teenagers (my nickname was "piranha" - and I can laugh about it now). But, I don't think I was too big on the DRAMA (I was too busy being pissed off at all the stupid people!) We had some BIG DRAMA Saturday night. All I can say is that I'm terrified of the coming years. Terrified. The only thing I've ever been terrified by before was using the old outhouse up north (the new one, of course, is spectacular!)
I think there were two especially memorable quotes, both occurring on Saturday. The first was when I caught a group trying to "sled" down the stairs in their sleeping bags (see, we have two sets of staircases - this could have snowballed into ER visits!) After being told not to do that, that it was a bit too dangerous (and not a good example for Matthew who would certainly try it immediately), the young lady responded, "Well, you can't blame us for trying, right?" She had a point. The second quote is courtesy of Todd. After listening in on a DRAMAtic scene of some kind, he said, "Ok, listen up: Kelly was nice. I'm not nice. I have no qualms about calling your parents right now at 3am to have them come and pick you up. So, settle down and go to sleep. Good night." He's so smart - why didn't I think to threaten them with their parents! Ohh, wait, sleep deprivation clouded my judgement.
I got up early next morning (me, not Todd, who the first night hid in the basement and the second night pretended to be dead!) I got breakfast and drinks ready and had the pleasure of waking them all up. I was nice - I let them "sleep in" a little while. I'd have used Bucky, but he was passed out from exhaustion (and we think had some temporary hearing loss). Everyone seemed to have fun, so I guess the parties were a success. But, when Allison asks for a sleepover in a month I have a better idea: Dinner and movie night - NO SLEEPOVER! Now, why didn't I think of that before!
