Recent Random Weirdness

Here are some more recent escapades...the pictures speak for themselves.

Why you should hide scissors until kids are at least 10

Thinking we were home free and no longer had to hide the scissors, we were proven wrong by one of our children. Again.

The scary thing is, it took us most of the day to notice it. We just thought he slept weird.

Notice the expert random cutting technique commonly only seen in drunk teenage girls (think "16 Candles") and cheapskates...

 

Can I make this as painful and difficult as possible for Dad? CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

 

See, I didn't have to go get a haircut. Mission accompished!

 

This is what happens when dad cuts my hair. At least he didn't use a chainsaw.

 

 

Christmas 2012

2012 was really a very boring year for us.  We didn’t move, we aren’t planning on moving, and other than a few new scars there are no family additions or wild excursions in the works.  But, boring is good for us as we continue to enjoy good health and have much to be thankful for. 

So, what was new this year?  Well, we attempted to grow a garden.  This was great until the rats figured out we were having success. As it turns out, rats (like our children) don’t like vegetables so we were able to enjoy the carrots and cucumbers of our labor (just not the apples, apricots, or tomatoes).   Bucky, the world’s laziest dog, did little to deter them.  We all tried new ways to improve our fitness.  Todd discovered Crossfit.  Allison and Kelly swim with Amanda on the local team (yes, they let old people join too!)  Matthew tried soccer, but found it was ‘boring and stupid’ because everyone kept taking the ball from him.  He is planning to try swim team or gymnastics in just a few months… and maybe basketball.  If there is ever a sport involving light sabers, he’ll be all over that.   And, until sleeping becomes a competitive sport Julia has decided that she really likes volleyball.   Below are a few factoids about the kids...

Amanda – 10^th grader – call sign “The Troll”

Never ask her about Pokemon.  Just trust me on this one.
Slaughters the English language on a routine basis.  It’s epic.
Believes Speedos could be used as a weapon in the war on terror.
Wastes more time on Pinterest than the government does on, well, everything.

Chuck Norris will soon be afraid of her driving.

Julia – 8^thgrader – call sign “Whovian Princess”

Petitioned Congress to change the name of the sport of “Bowling” to“Boring.”
Believes every problem can be solved by shooting it. Unless it’s a zombie or Matthew.
Is sorry for all the Doctor Who references. More sorry because you don’t understand them.
Laughs uncontrollably while watching The Walking Dead.
Could sleep through a Zombie Apocalypse.

 Allison – 6^thgrader – call sign “Princess Grumpy Pants”

Willing to go anywhere at any time and do pretty much anything that isn’t sitting around. She’d even watch the Vikings.
Her athletic exploits are the basis of the term “drama jock.” Best known example is Jay Cutler of the Chicago Bears.
Really, really, REALLY wants her very own phone.
Wants to be like her grandma and jump out of a plane and is quite mad that she has to wait until she’s 18 to do it.
Carries home enough beach sand in her swimsuit to fill half of a sandbox.

Matthew – 3^rdgrader – call sign “The Sock Jedi”

Carries home enough school playground sand in his shoes to fill the other half of a sandbox.
If lightsabers were real, he would kick Yoda’s butt. He’s that good.
Still finds girls boring, but (for some reason) thinks babies are awesome.
Knows everything. Learned it on the Internet.
Can fit an entire blanket into his underpants.

 Bucky – age 5 ½- call sign “Bumpasaurus”
Can fit THREE balls in his mouth at the same time. Try it, it’s not easy.
Has never found an object or animal he will not at least try to eat.
Perfected his “hound dog” attack bark.
Is so lazy snails frequently mistake him for a plant.
Vowed to always protect his family from plastic bags stuck on bushes.

Best quotes of the year:

While picking out flavor snacks dog treats, Julia says, "Is it bad that I want them too?"

Upon leaving Sequoia National Forest, Matthew uttered the following declaration:

"Never ever take me to another place where all we do is look at trees!"

"Matthew just stuck a straw up his nose and blew bubbles in his soda." (Text from Julia

Have a wonderful holiday season and a safe and Happy 2013!

Todd, Kelly, Amanda, Julia, Allison, and Matthew

 

Dad and Grandma go SKYDIVING!!!

From the ground...

 

From the air...

More recent weird quotes...

Took Matthew to get his hair cut yesterday. When it's all done, I notice red marks on his forehead. Worried he might have been cut, I look closer. As I do this, Matthew says, "Ohh, yeah, that's my Harry Potter scar. I drew it on at school with my correcting pen." (At least it wasn't sharpie!)



"Mom, please turn on the heat conditioning!" (Matthew after his swim lesson tonight)



"Matthew just stuck a straw up his nose and blew bubbles in his soda." (Text from Julia while we were at a swim meet)




You know you're having a tough morning when you utter a phrase like this: "Yes, Matthew, you can shoot your sister. But, you have to brush your teeth and put on your shoes and socks first."

Learning to cook

Amanda puts chicken in the oven to cook. She sets the timer and leaves. Three minutes later, the timer goes off and she is shocked that the chicken is not cooked. Todd and I can't stop laughing because she vehemently insists she read the directions...and after way too long realizes she read the MICROWAVE directions.

Vacation (and other random recent) Quotes

Stopping at the Sequoia National Forest Visitor's Center, we were given a lesson on the many animals that inhabit the park. Matthew correctly identified the bear skull, but couldn't figure out the other one with long teeth. The ranger said, "I'll give you a hint: It may use a litter box in your house." Matthew replies, "Yeah, I just don't get that at all." I answered, "Mountain Lion." The ranger confirmed that this was the correct animal. Matthew turns and looks at me with a very angry expression and says, "Wait a minute. You didn't tell me there were mountain lions here! Now I have to worry about bears AND mountain lions!"


Julia and Amanda were forced to share a bed in San Francisco. At one point in the middle of the night, Amanda gets mad and says, "Julia, will you quit moving around." We learned that Julia, even half-asleep, can be quit sarcastic when she responded with, "Sure Amanda, becauase I'm the only person who has ever moved around in their sleep ever!"

Upon leaving Sequoia National Forest, Matthew uttered the following declaration: "Never ever take me to another place where all we do is look at trees!"

While touring Crystal Cave, the tour guide asked if we had any questions. She did this a lot, and Matthew frequently had questions (mostly about bats). But, at one point towards the end Matthew came up with the following: "Yeah, I have a question. Are we done in here because I'm bored. Can we go to another cave?"

After getting his new "spacer" in his mouth, Matthew declared, "I hate my voice now. It sounds stupid."

Dibs...

Allison: "Mom, here's a dollar. Can I have this can of frosting?"

Me: "No, and you are not eating a can of frosting."

Allison: "I'm not eating it, I'm claiming it."

When you just suck at video games...

Matthew to Julia: "Can I have your Wii Zelda account? You're just not that good at it."

Funny older kids...

"They shouldn't call it bowling. They should call it boring."(Julia)

We learned today that Amanda has not outgrown her word mispronunciation disorder. She pointed out that Matthew was looking "lash-i-vously at the lin-jerry" while walking through a store (she knows what "lascivious" and "lingere" mean, but she can't pronounce them to save her life!)

Summer quotes so far....

(Julia channeling her inner cousin "It")



At the store with Julia deciding on what dog treats to get for Bucky. We decide on Flavor Snacks (which have Bacon, Turkey, Chicken, Sausage, and Beef flavors). Julia literally says, "Is it bad that I want them too?"


I just saw my dog stick his head under the couch, sneeze, whack his head, and stumble around wondering what had happened.


"Eat her. She tastes better." (Matthew said this - while pointing to Allison - as he talked to the snow leopard at the Santa Barbara Zoo today)

Even Moms Try Hard

I took Matthew and Allison to swim today. Matthew had a brief conversation with a friend of mine who I sometimes lap swim with. The friend mentions to Matthew, "Your mom is a good swimmer."
Matthew responds, "Well, no, but she really tries hard."

He followed up with some interesting comments about how I used to work at Taco Bell but quit so I could swim more.

TRANSIT OF VENUS!!!

"Wow, Venus is really small. And slow. This is neat, but a little bit boring." (Matthew commenting on his viewing of the transit of Venus)

Memorial Day 2012 - Catching up on the latest Matthewisms

Recent quotes and anecdotes:

Quote of the day: (Matthew) "Dad, mom says you can't wear her shoes."


Bad news: Matthew put a hole in air mattress. Good news: He plugged the hole so effectively that Todd didn't know there was a hole until he saw the pen sticking out of the mattress.


We have a gong in our hallway (yes, like the gong show, only smaller). Matthew bangs on it loudly while walking down the stairs a few minutes ago. I exclaim, "Hey!" His response: "What?!? It's not like I killed your wife or something!"


I have often noticed that my dog can be quite lazy. This observation was resoundingly confirmed tonight when he came back into the house with a snail crawling up his back...


Bad part of the night: Locking myself out of the house (by locking my keys in the car at dinner). Only the 3rd time in my life I've done that.
Good part of the night: Getting the girls to try Indian food, finding a really good Indian restaurant, and learning that I am quite skilled at breaking into houses.

RIna

I met Ferdousi (who I called Rina) during the first week of my freshman year of college at the University of Wisconsin - Platteville. She was in my 8am Calculus class. After a few days, this pretty, petite, spunky, dark-haired girl bounced over to my roommate and I as we were leaving class and said, "Hey, you guys know what's going on in here. We need to study together. It'll be fun - when are you free?" My roommate preferred to study alone, and I used to study alone too. But, this girl would not take no for an answer! Plus, she was really nice and seemed fun. We started to study together and became fast friends. Rina was my friend for almost 23 years, and we lost her this past week to stage IV colon cancer that was discovered only 9 1/2 months ago. She leaves behind so many who love and miss her. She was only 42 years old.

Rina, I know you are looking down on us and in a much better place. Thank you for being my friend. You taught me so much - hopefully I will remember it all and live as you did: Happy, free, and true to yourself. !Paz y amor! Love you always.

Ferdousi (Rina) Jamir Gramling

December 20, 1969 - April 4, 2012

"Our loving mother, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, niece, grand-daughter and friend. You are living in our hearts forever."

Yet another way to get your butt kicked by your sisters....by Matthew

Matthew is currently walking around the house with a clipboard assigning his sisters "grades" based on their perceived attitudes. He gave Allison an F+ because she is "mean" and is now informing his other sisters that they are "not smart." Butt kickings to commence in 3...2....1......

Another Matthew Mystery...

Matthew learned that it is possible to fit an entire blanket into one's underpants.

Why one needs to do that is a mystery known only to him...

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2011 !

After a busy 2011, we end the year in a new home, meeting new friends, and in good health. As Julia would say, it’s random. Matthew would call it boring. Allison would call it awesome. Amanda would be ignoring the conversation.

Since surviving another NY winter (only 127 inches of snow), we were excited to trade snowplows for rockplows (just like it sounds, found on the PCH). After visiting family and friends in the Wisconsin, Iowa, and Minnesota, Kelly and the kids arrived in California just in time to meet the moving truck. Todd, traveling with Bucky, arrived a few weeks later.
With kids begging daily for In-N-Out Burger, mom able swim laps OUTSIDE all year, and Dad able to jog anytime he wants on a California beach I think it’s safe to say we’re feeling at home in SoCal.

Just to make everyone up north feel better, yes we are so wimpy now that we could never handle the north ever again. But, that’s okay. Did you know we can swim at the beach and ski in the mountains the same day? If we knew how to ski this would be even more exciting. But, yeah, it’s those difficult decisions that consume our time now instead of shoveling snow, falling on ice, or just plain freezing all the time. But, we acclimate and adjust just as we always have. (Sigh) It’s really been hard this time. Did you know it’ll take an entire HOUR to get to the Rose Bowl and see the Badgers play on January 2nd?!? So, so hard…

This year, the letter is a little shorter and loosely based on “The most interesting man in the world” commercials. All descriptions are (mostly) true 

Amanda
She never feels hurried, no matter how late she is.
8-year old boys are in awe of her Pokemon knowledge.
Not afraid to dance in public at a pep rally. Yeah, that’s right, you heard me.
The entire Twilight series is based on a series of nightmares she had as a child.
Turns into Julia when given laughing gas.


Julia
She sleeps so deeply that she’s been declared legally dead. Twice.
Is offended when people tell jokes she doesn’t understand. Wait, what?
Introduced legislation to have sarcasm declared an official language.
Finds platypuses suspicious, but adorably so.
Believes no shorts are ever too short.
Cannot not talk.

Allison
Has successfully face-planted more than any other living being on the planet.
Finds Boxers irresistible.
Never open her closet door. Just trust me on this one.
Has never found a sport she didn’t like.
Dreams of a Justin Bieber-free world.
Has everyone convinced she’s legally blind.


Matthew
Spins socks with a flair that makes drum majors weep.
Finds school, broccoli, and girls … boring.
Has filed a patent for fanilla ice cream. (It’s like vanilla, but better.)
Plans to be sexy, but not until he grows up.
Never, ever give him a deck of cards.

Bucky
Eats books to digest their knowledge.
Finds lizards intriguing.
Can clear a room without moving a muscle.
His cuteness is intoxicating. Ask anyone.
Would rid the world of cats with his tail and a can-do attitude.

Kelly
Not afraid to throw shovels at snowplows.
Feels sad for Vikings fans.
Chuck Norris is afraid of her driving.
Wallpaper removes itself in her presence.
Has never been to Lambeau Field. Or New Mexico.

Todd
Was able to convince Brett Favre to retire on his birthday.
Signs his name “arghh,” and nobody questions it.
Can solve ANY yard problem with a chainsaw.
He can fly to Hawaii. Just because.
Believes all disputes can be settled by a “Tough Mudder” competition.

Best quotes of the year:
"Mom, are there any sicknesses in our family, like back problems or cankles?"
Matthew got off the bus and said, "A girl told me on the bus that babies DON'T come out of your tummy. They come out somewhere (pointing) 'down there.' We get to find out where that is in 6th grade."

New things we learned:
1) You can’t legally abandon a sibling at the grocery store.
2) You can run away to your imagination, just not during school.
3) Breaking bones will not get you out of school.
4) Bad brakes + mountains = screaming
5) Kelly + wallpaper = screaming

Have a wonderful holiday season and a safe and happy 2012!


Todd, Kelly, Amanda, Julia, Allison, and Matthew

Artwork...by Matthew

It just speaks to me on a special level...

Only men can be sexy...

According to Matthew, he is currently just cute. It will only be when he's older that he can be called "sexy."