"How to Get a Cat Scanned"

by Matthew Linskey, age 3

Memorial Day 2007. My day started out like most others. But, today we went to Home Depot. I like going there because there's lots of neat stuff and I try to climb or grab it all. But, today I learned that sometimes Home Depot is dangerous! So, we were all done playing and getting ready to go home, and I was sitting with dad while mom waited for the store man to bring out one more thing. We were sitting on a display picnic table. I decided all by myself to see if I could do a back half-half-gainer off the seat. Dad said the sound my head made hitting the concrete was like the not-so-gentle smacking of a flip-flop on the ground. So, I wasn't too happy about lousing up my back half-half gainer AND my head really hurt (which was annoying). Mom and Dad got all serious and they decided that mom would take me somewhere to look at my head. I think we broke the sound barrier a few times trying to find a clinic, and we maybe cut off a few people who mom said were "bad drivers" (but, mom used other words to describe them that I can't pronounce yet). We found one, but they said to take me to the big children's hospital (Scottish Rite). So, we got to the hospital "ER", and they had something called a valet there. Apparently, this is where you drive up and give your keys to the valet and he just drives off with your car. I want to be a valet someday, it looked fun. Anyway, we went inside and they asked mom what happened. She left out the whole part of about my back-half-half gainer and just told them I fell on my head. Right when they were asking questions, I must have had some sort of stomach problem because I just sort of threw up all over. I threw up on me, mom, the desk, in the garbage can, and I think I hit a few nurses and a plant. Mom said it was like the exorcist, but I never met that guy. For some reason, everyone really freaked out then (I guess it smelled pretty bad?) and all of a sudden they were stabbing me in the arm with a mini sword that they called an "IV". I didn't think a little vomit called for that kind of retribution!!! Lots of doctors and nurses came in and out. One nice nurse brought some new clothes for me and mom so we didn't smell quite so bad. The doctors all told me I was going to get a cat scanned. I thought that sounded pretty fun, but I didn't know where they had the cat. We went to a room with a big machine in it, but there was no cat. They had a Mickey Mouse doll that was on the moving table that they put into the big machine, but he wasn't having much fun with it because he was laying really still when everyone knows he should have been standing up like I was trying to do. The lady said that they needed to sedate me, and one of the doctors came in and stuck another sword in my IV. I kicked him a few times, but it didn't make him stop. He was at least twice my size - it wasn't fair. The next thing I know, I'm in the ER room again. I don't remember how I got there. AND, Mickey was gone. I wasn't too happy. After a little while, the doctor came in again and said I had something called a "skull fracture with some bleeding". The doctor said it was really small and not displaced (whatever that means!) I guess if you're going to get a skull fracture, mine is the good kind to get. So, they said I had to sleep over. I got to sleep in a bed that went up and down as many times as you pressed the button. I did that a lot. They had to bring me a new bed too because the plug on mine broke (but they said it wasn't my fault-really!) I got to watch tv, drink Sprite, and eat Jello. I had little wires all over me that kept going off all night (but, I managed to sleep through all of that!) The brain doctor came in to see me this morning and said I could go home. I asked if I could take the bed, but they said no. He said I wasn't allowed to fall on my head for at least two weeks. That's not fair because I do that almost every day. I still didn't get to see the cat scanned, but maybe I'll see that a different time.

NOTE: Matthew's doing fine - there was even some debate as to whether or not the it was a fracture or a small crack in a growth plate - the treatment is the same either way. He's back to terrorizing his sisters already.