Lesson #425

Lesson #425 - NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER do a sleepover with more than 4 kids, or with more than 3 kids, or really with any kids if you can avoid it. Ohh, and don't do sleepovers on consecutive nights. Hire, blackmail, or bribe someone else to do it somewhere other than your house (where you will busy having your own sleepover!)

Did you know there is no actual sleep at a sleepover? It's mostly screaming, screeching, some crying, unnatural high pitched sounds that could rival waterboarding for torture, games that make no sense, and did I say there is no sleep? None whatsoever! Even the kids who say they're tired start doing things like belching uncontrollably or thinking of new ways to make unusual sounds with various body parts. There is writing on faces, writing on dogs, semi-nudity, terrorizing of the neighbors, terrorizing of the siblings, races around the house (with and without pets, with and without clothing), and general mayhem. Add to this the idiot parents (meaning Kelly) who supply mass quantities of sugar, carbs, and soda that puts the "sleepover" participants into a state of near manic derangement.

Both parties started at about 7pm and ended around 10am. The kids (3rd graders Friday, 5th graders Saturday) probably "went to bed" (which is code for "finally passed out") around 4am both nights. They started to "go to bed" at around midnight. We watched movies, ate cake and pizza and drank soda. There were chips and cookies and crackers and bubbles flying everywhere (and I mean everywhere - we found some in a tree outside). There was a pinata. We made tie-dyes, played sticker games and ball games, did makeovers, played outside, and someone had the idea to put others into "trances". At that point, we learned the true definition of DRAMA. DRAMA has to be in caps, because for some reason, there are actually groups of kids who categorize themselves (and will actually admit to being) overly dramatic - they are proud to be this way. Now, I will admit that I was not the friendliest of teenagers (my nickname was "piranha" - and I can laugh about it now). But, I don't think I was too big on the DRAMA (I was too busy being pissed off at all the stupid people!) We had some BIG DRAMA Saturday night. All I can say is that I'm terrified of the coming years. Terrified. The only thing I've ever been terrified by before was using the old outhouse up north (the new one, of course, is spectacular!)

I think there were two especially memorable quotes, both occurring on Saturday. The first was when I caught a group trying to "sled" down the stairs in their sleeping bags (see, we have two sets of staircases - this could have snowballed into ER visits!) After being told not to do that, that it was a bit too dangerous (and not a good example for Matthew who would certainly try it immediately), the young lady responded, "Well, you can't blame us for trying, right?" She had a point. The second quote is courtesy of Todd. After listening in on a DRAMAtic scene of some kind, he said, "Ok, listen up: Kelly was nice. I'm not nice. I have no qualms about calling your parents right now at 3am to have them come and pick you up. So, settle down and go to sleep. Good night." He's so smart - why didn't I think to threaten them with their parents! Ohh, wait, sleep deprivation clouded my judgement.

I got up early next morning (me, not Todd, who the first night hid in the basement and the second night pretended to be dead!) I got breakfast and drinks ready and had the pleasure of waking them all up. I was nice - I let them "sleep in" a little while. I'd have used Bucky, but he was passed out from exhaustion (and we think had some temporary hearing loss). Everyone seemed to have fun, so I guess the parties were a success. But, when Allison asks for a sleepover in a month I have a better idea: Dinner and movie night - NO SLEEPOVER! Now, why didn't I think of that before!

An interview with Matthew

Matthew's teachers asked him some questions the other day about mom and dad. Here a few of the questions and answers - they're quite interesting.

My daddy is 20 years old.

My daddy's favorite person is me.

My daddy's favorite food is hot dogs.

My daddy's favorite game is ball.

My daddy's favorite thing to do is computer.

My mommy is 33 years old.

Her favorite place to shop is at the store.

She likes to cook "scetties".

Her favorite person is the doctor.

her favorite thing to eat is hot dogs.

Her favorite game is driving cars.

Her favorite thing to do is paint a picture.

Who knew I was a cradle robber??? Or, I just look tired and old. Must be all the hot dogs...

Julia's (almost) big day!

Julia turned 9 today. She is feeling pretty old. She requested a cookie cake - mom actually was able to create it. It is gone. Matthew is mostly responsible for that. He is now bouncing off the walls and looks like he has a goatee (not a good look, incidentally).

Tomorrow night is the "big deal" sleepover party that ought to kill me... We'll have pictures, but I can't promise them before sometime next week (I anticipate a several-day recovery). Amanda's sleepover is Saturday night. Maybe it'll be a several week recovery.

Getting Dressed...by Matthew

I got dressed. All by myself. I didn't like the way mom had put some clothes on me, so I took off my clothes. She told me to get dressed. So, I did.

Lesson #424: If you tell them to get dressed, but don't specify where to put what, it's your own fault.

Garbage can full of water + 5 children = Swimming extravaganza!!!

We siphon our bathtub to use as (and I'm not making this up - there's an actual term for it) "grey water" for our "lawn" (which more or less resembles a cracked desert landscape with patches of weeds and Bucky's "lawn ornaments"). I was going to do it a little later in the day (since you aren't supposed to water during the hottest part of the day or it evaporates quickly). See all the cool stuff we're learning because of the drought! Anyway, today it was a bit warm (about 80). Never to be ones to not think of new ways to destroy the house or cause mom to have to clean up really large and unusual messes, the kids had a brilliant idea: Hey, we bathed in it already - let's SWIM in it too! What fun. Ohh, and let's get the dog in it too. That'll be awesome fun. At least they wore swimming suits...at first. So, we have a new lesson:

Lesson #423: Water+children+dog = large mess, smelly dog, nude (or semi-nude) wet children, and neighbors that scratch their heads and wonder why it took so long for you to figure out how to get that birth control to work.

I Never Thought I'd Say....

"Matthew, you are not allowed to pee on the dog."

(Todd-4/20/2008)

(Sadly, we don't have any pictures of the event. How do you even anticipate such a thing?)

Why you should not let 4-year olds cook

Okay, this week's lesson actually took about a week in order to make its point. And, with every lesson, we have to remind ourselves of the first lesson:

Lesson #1: You wanted kids. You brought this on yourself. They didn't ask to be here, you made them come. Are you having fun yet?

Most of the time, it really is fun. Or, more specifically, FUNNY. Especially when you get to read this and don't have to clean it up. So, here is our next lesson...

Lesson#422: Never let a 4-year old "cook" in the kitchen without making sure you know WHAT he is cooking and (more importantly) WHERE he puts the "food" when he's done.

In Matthew's case, he was making "blueberry muffins". In his world, you make these muffins in a canister (see picture). The muffins are made with whatever you find in the canister (in this case, dry active yeast). You add some water. Then, an egg. Then, salami. And, you put in whatever else you think would be good for blueberry muffins. You stir it up with the handy spoon that is right there and then put the lid on it. You then slide it back next to all the other canisters and go off to bury the phone in the mud or play with your mom's makeup case. After, say, a week you have a really evil concoction that smells truly, unequivocally, in-your-face BAD. I think Julia described it best when she mentioned more than once, "Hey, what smells like bad fish food in here?" I finally went on the search today because, whatever this was, it was really getting bad. But, I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. I looked BEHIND the canisters, in all the cabinets, under the dishwasher. It smelled like it was near the canisters. So, finally, I looked IN the canisters. one by one. It was in the smallest one (of course!) After I recovered from the "smell shock wave" I saw what resembled a goopy, bubbly brown-yellow soup that I briefly thought of bottling to use to wake up the kids next week after Spring Break ends (it really would have worked!) But, I figured it'd eat a hole in the bottom of any container that didn't have some kind of titanium reinforcement. I dumped it out and am now soaking the container in boiling water.

When I told Todd of the discovery, he remarked, "Ohh, yes, he was cooking last week. He was making muffins."

Allison the top Tiger of the game

The Orange Tigers battled against The Sharks in soccer action Wednesday. Matthew kept himself entertained by watching an empty field (see picture). There were 4 different scorers for the team, including what the coach called "The best goal he's seen this season" from Allison. It was long kick that sailed past a goalie who was actually quite good. She celebrated the night by coming down with a cold and passing out early next to a dehumidifier. She did, however, recover the next morning (after we let her sleep in an hour - thinking she'd be home all day). She got herself dressed and announced that she wanted to go to school so that, "I won't miss anything to learn." When told of her quote, her older sisters shook their heads in stunned disbelief (and I thought I heard a comment or two to the effect of, "Yeah, she'll figure out how crazy that is pretty soon!")

I'm ready for my closeup...

There are a few things that you should keep away from children. The obvious things are weapons, sharp objects, things that can cause them injury, or things they can use to destroy the house or seriously maim parents. The LESS obvious things can cause usually less serious damage and often (later) lots of laughing. Sometimes, though, you can get instant entertainment. Last night was one of those instances.

New lesson learned: #421 Put any and all make-up cases that resemble, say, watercolor painting sets out of the reach of 4-year old boys. This follows the last entry of #420 "Never leave a phone outside where a 4-year old can find it."

He was downstairs when he did this. I was upstairs. Todd said he thought he heard him "doing something." Todd forgot lesson #31: "Know what they are doing at all times, especially if it's not making a lot of noise." Matthew came upstairs to tell me something (as if I wouldn't notice what he'd done to himself if he ALSO had something to tell me). When I brought him down to show Todd his handiwork, Todd's only response (after he stopped laughing) was a stern, "NEVER let me see you do this again."

Why do moms go to hospitals???

Apparently, in Matthew's world, there is only one reason to go to the hospital when you are a mom: It is strictly for having another baby (whether or not you are pregnant).

I had the pleasure last night of experiencing the joy of ...appendicitis. Okay, maybe there was more vomiting than joy (a lot more). On a positive note, I don't ever have to worry about having it again! I was there for less than 24 hours, they kept my appendix (sadly, there are no pictures), and I got some lovely parting bruises and residual carbon dioxide gas left in my abdomen. Good times!

I have to add that we have fantastic neighbors. I had two neighbors help get my car back to the house and get me to the hospital, and another who came down to wait with me during the tests, another who bravely stayed the night with the 4 Linskey kids and got them all off to school, and still others who have made us meals and wished us well. Todd was in San Diego when most of this happened, so all this was really that much more appreciated. Even though we don't live near family, it's almost like we do :)

When Matthew came with Dad and the girls to pick me up today, he said hi and then came over to me (looking around for something) and asked, "Where's the baby?" He got over the fact that there was no baby, and everyone is home now getting ready for bed

Have a great weekend everyone :)

Softball, Soccer, and lots of Littlest Pet Shop

Softball and soccer are underway! Both Julia's "The Attack" and Allison's "Orange Tigers" were victorious (17-9 amd 6-2, respectively). Julia had her first ever hit, and scored. Allison scored two goals. Matthew only ran on the field once...

Matthew made a new friend (although I think he was more interested in the toys she had!!!)

More games will follow this weekend :)

Orange Phones and trucks named "Jerry"

It was a typical after-school day for Matthew. Well, except for the part where he came in from outside with our phone. In his defense, I had brought it out and set it on the porch while doing yard work. I was going in and out of the house. So, I put it outside. On the porch. Away from dirt, water, clay, and dogs.




Apparently, it was not far enough away from children.




I assumed it was still on the porch. Somehow, it made it's way to the mudpit, possibly the dog, and maybe in some water. It WAS black and silver. What Matthew bought to me was covered in orange clay and sand, and was kind of gray. It still (sort of) works. I had to use a bunch of toothpicks and even a safety pin to try and gouge the clay, mud, and sand out of the buttons. So, if you call and it sounds a bit fuzzy... you'll know why. A new phone is being procured.

In other news, Matthew has now started naming his cars. In honor of his current favorite movie (Transformers), his yellow sports-car is named "Bumblebee". His red truck is called "red firetruck". His blue car is called "blue car". His silver car is called "silver car". But, his green truck has a special name. When Todd asked, "Is that 'green truck'?" Matthew responded, 'No, that's 'Jerry.'" A picture of Jerry has been included for your viewing enjoyment.







(I'd have taken a picture of the phone, but I was trying to save it...)

Rainbows, dogs that eat metal sprinklers, and half-naked boating in the back yard

Here are a few recent pictures that give you and idea of a typical day in our house...

Exciting Atlanta Weather!

What is the difference between a tornado and a "microburst"? A few weeks ago, I saw a trampoline in a tree. A full-size blue trampoline complete with the large yellow fence-like guard bent around/in a stand of trees about 20 feet in the air. It was there for a few days. I have no idea how they got it down (the trees are still there, but a little less straight). This was supposedly the result of a "microburst". Today, they are trying to figure out if it was a tornado or microburst that hit Atlanta (apparently this matters?) And, I heard a quote this morning that I NEVER thought I'd hear: "Meterologists are being called to the scene of the disaster." To do what, exactly???

More storms are coming...should be an interesting day. Due to the weather, Allison's first "Orange Tiger" soccer game and Julia's first "Attack" softball game have both been cancelled. Maybe next week we'll have more fun...

A Day in the Life of Matthew...

Matthew had an interesting day at school today.

At one point, there was a mishap. Another boy accidentally hit Matthew near his eye and scratched him. Matthew was very angry, said his teachers. But, rather than hit back, he pointed his little finger at the boy involved and said very loudly and clearly,

“Duncan, you don’t hit me in the eye with the toy!”

Later, a teacher pulled out a Thomas game. Matthew really likes Thomas, but the game required more than one player. The teacher told Matthew that he needed to find a friend to play it with him. So, he got up and said,

“Okay….Friend??? Frieeeend? Do you want to play?”

When I was picking him up, I noticed that he had a slip of paper with the letter “M” written on it. I asked him what letter it was, and he knew it was M. His teacher heard us and commented that it was given to him by Madison. So, I said, “Ohh, did she give you a present?” He looked at me like I was a total idiot and replied,

“No, it’s a piece of paper.”

It's raining, it's pouring, there's a waterfall in the backyard...

We had rain today (a big occasion!) Unfortunately, our downspouts have dry rot and don't work (see picture)...ohh, and apparently we have a waterfall in the backyard. It's quite festive, especially for Bucky (who was 200 yards downstream chasing the stick Matthew "dropped"). Matthew took this opportunity to get all full of mud...and then when told to go inside and take off his dirty pants he misinterpreted that as a go-ahead to relieve himself in the lake that is now our backyard (much to the shock and amusement of his sisters). This is why I am nuts...

VISITORS!!!

Grandpa, Grandma Grace, and Megan stopped in for a visit President's Day weekend. As you can see, we tired Grandpa out! Allison took Grandma Grace on a walk, and then proceeded to show her the short cuts through the neighborhood. Those would be the near-vertical short cuts consisting of slippery, leaf-covered dirt trails surrounded by fallen trees, decade old construction debris, assorted critters/bugs, and (soon) poison ivy. She did great - most people won't attempt walking our neighborhood let alone the short cuts! It actually rained, our one day of the month that we get rain, so we allowed them to shower ...as long as they went outside to rinse off. Ok, that's a joke. We made them shower outside too.

But, seriously, it was fun having visitors and we are not at all jealous that they are in Florida where it rains and is warm and didn't want to take us along too. That's a joke too - we'll be warm soon enough.

(PS - Megan - your coat is on it's way to Wisconsin)

Surgery #3 (and hopefully the last!)

Matthew had his third surgery in as many years yesterday. It was basically the exact same surgery, only this time the doctor knew what it was and took care of it correctly. Matthew did really well. He's frolicking around the house today as if there is absolutely nothing different (other than the fact that it looks like he was kicked in the groin by a horse). Ouch!!! He apparently either has a high pain threshold or lacks nerve endings in the lower half of his body. We have a weekly speech notebook we have to do, so I took a few pictures of him recovering. I knew he was feeling somewhat normal when he wanted to "see Matthew" on the camera display after the picture was taken and giggled at himself. He keeps us busy, that's for sure :)

SUPER WEDNESDAY!

Who cares about "Super Tuesday" when we have Super Wednesday in the Linskey house! Today, the littlest Linskey (Bucky passed him weight-wise several months ago) has turned 4 years old!!!

He started the day be coming downstairs (after his sisters had gone to school!) and jumping out and saying "Boo!" When mom said "Happy Birthday", he was quick to point out her error ("Sing it mommy!") Aren't you all glad you weren't there to witness that?!? We then got dressed, although he flat out refused to wear one of his new sweaters. He told mom it was her sweater. She can have it. Won't that look nice on mommy... But, the rest of the clothes were...well, okay, they were boring (except for the Spiderman PJs). He also got a play-dough set, a spider-man water gear set (if we do actually get to use the pool this summer, he'll have fun with it!), a Panda (who really only crawls face down and does nothing else), and money to send him to Spiderman school. That's what he wants to be when he grows up.

He brought in cupcakes for his little class yesterday and for his big class today. He loved being the birthday boy two days in a row. I have a feeling tomorrow will be disappointing...

Happy Birthday Matthew :)

From his preschool teacher:

What do you like Matthew? - "Snowflakes"

What don't you like Matthew? - "Getting hurt"

(Two days earlier, Matthew walked full force into a table and had a nice cut and a big swollen eye!)